I Got It From Pansy
by Astrid M. Blackcoat
Summary: I Got It From Agnes, by Tom Lehrer, Harry Potter style. A parody of a satire. Yes, folks, it's possible. Features copious Draco-worship. Sort of a songfic, I suppose. It's a joke, by the way.


I Got It From Pansy

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I Got It From Agnes by Tom Lehrer, Harry Potter style. I think I may have done the impossible and parodied a parody song. Gosh. Features outrageous Draco Worshipping and other such fun things. _I_ think it's funny.

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Draco Malfoy entered the Slytherin common room, swaggering down the stairs and finally coming to a halt in a sexy pose. He didn't have to pose manually- he was just naturally gorgeous. Everyone present clapped wildly, for Draco was Prince of the Slytherins and Hogwarts' resident God of Sex.

'Evening,' he said. Once again, everyone clapped wildly at this succinct morsel from the Prince of Cool, which displayed his remarkable powers of observation. Draco swaggered over to the corner and sat down at the piano he'd brought from home. 'Bugger off, would you?' he said to the Slytherin fangirls who were clustering around, eager to be as close as possible to their Lord and Master. They applauded loudly and disappeared.

'Pansy, come and sit down, please,' said Draco. Pansy swooned and ran over to drape herself seductively across the nearest armchair. 'Crabbe, Goyle, get over here.' The two thugs lumbered over, honoured out of their puny little minds that the Guy Utterly Worshipped By Every Woman In The Whole Entire World cared enough to remember at least their last names.

'I've written a song,' he said. The fangirls, hiding behind the pillars at the top of the stairs, burst into more raucous applause. 'Want to hear it?'

'Yes please, oh Gorgeous and Sex- Filled One,' chorused the whole room.

Draco flexed his fingers and began to play a jaunty little tune. He played it for a few bars, then began to sing, his absolutely to-die-for voice effortlessly filling the large room. There wasn't a socked girl or boy in the place.

Draco, that marvellous Lord of All Things Spiffy, sang the following song;

I like my friends, and they love me

We're just as close, as I want to be

And just because I sort of care

Whatever we get, we share!

I got it from Pansy

She got it from Goyle

Who got it from Crabbe in the Potions lab

Whilst 'partying' with Boyle

Boyle got it from Marcus Flint

Who got from Oliver Wood

Who hasn't been here for several years

So I suppose that isn't good…

Wood got it from Weasley

(It doesn't matter which)

They got it from Katie Bell,

That saucy little bitch!

She got it from Angelina

And prob'ly Alicia too

They got it from Cho Chang

Who'll give it to _anyone_, it's true!

Cho got it from Cedric

He got it from Krum

Who got it from Hermione

Which must have been _such fun (AN- _Sarcasm_**!)**_

She got it from Ron Weasley

Who got it from Lavender Brown

She got it from Seamus

Who's still trying to pass it around…

Ah, he got it from Fred and George

They got it from Snape

They got it in detention

For another Weasley jape

I don't know where _he_ got it,

But I'll bet it wasn't free!

The main one left is Harry

Who (with any luck) will get it from me!

Draco skilfully played a little piece at the end, before turning to Pansy, who had been knocked cockeyed (A.N- Ooh er!) by Draco's masterful lyrical brilliance. 'What do you think?' he asked.

Pansy got down on her knees and said 'Draco, may I worship you as my god for all eternity, so it please your golden deliciousness?'

'Yeah, if you like,' said Draco flippantly. Pansy's eyes crossed, and she passed out from sheer joy. 'Someone give her a hand,' said Draco. Several dozen fangirls and boys rushed to assist the God of Scrumminess. 'Er, you and you,' he said, pointing, 'take her up to my dorm, will you? Thanks.' He rose from the piano and swaggered over to the stairs. 'I'm going for a walk,' he said, and ascended, leaving the fangirls staring longingly at his perfect backside.

Outside he met Harry, who was leaning against the wall, eyebrows raised. 'So, you got it from Pansy?' he said.

'And?' said Draco. He shot Harry a Draco Malfoy Vaguely Amused Lookä, patent applied for. It had no effect whatsoever.

'I hear you want to give it to me,' said Harry, eyebrows almost meeting his hairline.

'What if I do?' said Draco seductively, giving him a Draco Malfoy Please Remove Your Trousers Lookä, patent applied for, guaranteed to work every time, as long as you're a silver-haired Sex God with a cute accent.

Harry decked him and walked off to find Ron and Hermione.

END


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